There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
