a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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