i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
