If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
