I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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