my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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