wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
