I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
