i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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