Just fell off a train. Bad.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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