so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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