cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
