Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
