i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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