so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
