Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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