he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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