where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
