Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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