help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
