for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
