Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
