if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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