Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
