yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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