Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
