Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
