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• (804): View more from Virginia

  god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

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• (281): View more from Texas

  i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't want my vagina anymore.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.

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