I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
