I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
