this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
