I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
