Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
