my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
