So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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