It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
