Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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