smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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