She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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