kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
