For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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