I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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