i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
