What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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