I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
