honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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