Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
