you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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