I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
