Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
